I have been working on improving my golf game for the last 59 years ever since Uncle Dickie introduced me to the cursed game . . . and I believe that there has been some improvement! It has come basically from an improvement in my maturity, which, I might add, is not an opinion shared by my wife. As a note, I am thinking of restricting her access to my Mickey Mantle baseball card.
So, in the pursuit of improving my golf game, I have been reading a book which purports that positive thoughts and, in particular, positive spoken or mental commands just before the swing could improve my game by perhaps 7 or 8 strokes . . in short, I would be able to break 100. So, I have invented the following positive sentences, and I am soliciting recommendations for improvement.
To be said when addressing the ball and before hitting it into the lake:
Please, ball, go straight. The last few times, and I won’t embarrass you by mentioning how many, you have found it in your little ball-heart to flutter into the woods or the lake. If you go in the lake, I am going to leave you there to swim with the fishes or visit Fredo (please see the Godfather for the reference). If you go in the forest, I am going to throw you into the next lake that I come across so you can swim with those fishes. So, please go straight. I am running out of cheap balls and the fishes have warned me that any more ball-throwing-into-the-lake is going to be met with a harsh rebuke.
I am thinking that should do it. What do you think?