Avoiding A Harsh Fish Rebuke

I have been working on improving my golf game for the last 59 years ever since Uncle Dickie introduced me to the cursed game . . . and I believe that there has been some improvement!   It has come basically from an improvement in my maturity, which, I might add,  is not an opinion shared by my wife.  As a note, I am thinking of restricting her access to my Mickey Mantle baseball card.

 

So, in the pursuit of improving my golf game, I have been reading a book which purports that positive thoughts and, in particular, positive spoken or mental commands just before the swing could improve my game by perhaps 7 or 8 strokes . . in short, I would be able to break 100.  So, I have invented the following positive sentences, and I am soliciting recommendations for improvement.

 

To be said when addressing the ball and before hitting it into the lake:

 

Please, ball, go straight.  The last few times, and I won’t embarrass you by mentioning how many, you have found it in your little ball-heart to flutter into the woods or the lake.  If you go in the lake, I am going to leave you there to swim with the fishes or visit Fredo (please see the Godfather for the reference).  If you go in the forest, I am going to throw you into the next lake that I come across so you can swim with those fishes.  So, please go straight.  I am running out of cheap balls and the fishes have warned me that any more ball-throwing-into-the-lake is going to be met with a harsh rebuke.

 

I am thinking that should do it.  What do you think?